[ 1 ]
Dr Anay stared blankly at the quiet commotion in front of him. He had just finished writing up the admission order for a patient complaining of chest pain. The gurney was brought in and the attendants scurried the patient out of the casualty. The night had fallen back to its silence. The medical officer on duty softly snored away. Anay looked at her. Why was she sleeping? She had come an hour earlier; while he had been on duty the whole day! He should be the one sleeping! Or should he? He wasn't quite feeling like it.
Besides, he was awaiting the surgeon on call to arrive and opine about another patient with abdominal pain. He was hoping it would be Dr Sankalp who would come― his good friend since the first year of residency. Conversation with him would perhaps liven up the night. It had been quite some time since the call had gone out, and yet no one from surgery had shown up. The sound of a broom in the next room indicated that the sweeper too was retiring to bed. Anay was the only person awake in there, except the patient who would wake up to moan at times. The patient moaned. Suddenly, a click of footwear against the old tiles disturbed the monotony of the night.
"I had been called for..?"
Anay looked at the sleeping medical officer, then back to the person who had just arrived. She was a young woman of his age; sweet-faced with mahogany hair, a little short-statured, and an unsteady, nervous gait.
"I guess that's the patient..." Anay pointed to the moaning man, "abdominal pain... the papers are on his bed."
She gave a quick nod and proceeded to examine the patient. He watched her at work. She seemed intelligent but was quite clumsy with her proceedings. Halfway through, she would forget to have asked or done something and then would start over. She wasn't doing anything wrong, but she appeared to be new at it. Perhaps she just lacked practice.
Anay fetched his phone out and started scrolling through his Facebook Feed. Six posts down, he noticed a flitting colour off the corner of his eye. She had finished examining the patient and had flopped down into the chair beside him. He glanced at her sideways as she filled up her notes. She seemed smart and sincere.
"You must be the new doctor Sankalp was talking about."
"Yes, I got transferred here. Today's my first day at casualty... and you are the casualty medical officer?"
"Oh no! That's the CMO," he pointed to the sleeping woman who looked up nodded and slept again.
"I am Anay from the Medicine Department."
"Oh, I am Prakriti... from Surgery"
"Yeah–"
"Oh, but you already know that, sorry," she grinned sheepishly, and returned to work.
After the few moments of silence that followed, Anay put his phone in his pocket and proceeded towards one of the Doctor's Rooms. Catching a few wonks would be good for the long night ahead, even if he wasn't asleep. His hopes for conversation had died down after he realised Sankalp had done the day shift that day, leaving the lighter night duty to his newer counterpart. The latter did not seem chatty at all and seemed shy even. Anay wasn't verbose either, so he decided it was best to sleep.
He had been asleep for barely twenty minutes when an intern came knocking upon the door. A victim of a snake bite had come in. He groaned. The relatives had brought in the dead snake as well. It was a viper. He groaned even more. He wrote up a prescription and asked one of the relatives to go to the pharmacist while he filled in an admission order. The patient was to be shifted to the ward immediately. And while it was getting annoying for Anay he was not having as bad as a time as Prakriti who was tending to four accident victims. The other resident doctors from orthopaedics, dentistry, ENT and trauma care kept running from patient to patient while the CMO scribbled down note after note. His work done, he returned to sleep. He left the door ajar, in case another patient came in.
It was difficult to re-enter the world of dreams again. It was getting difficult to maintain his eyes shut as well. He stared up at the ceiling. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a figure peep in through the door. Was it the intern again? Was he to be called again? He better remain prepared. Moments passed by, still no sign. He was about to shut his eyes again when the figure poked a head in again. He got up with a start and came face to face with Prakriti. In that moment of confusion, he was unable to speak.
"Sorry!"
"Oh no, I was―"
"I couldn't find a place to sleep, it's just too full everywhere..."
"But―"
"I guess I will have to stay awake then. The phone rang and we were informed that an accident happened nearby and three ambulance loads of patients would be flocking in."
"Oh no!"
"So Sankalp's down here, but he took the bed allotted for the surgery resident and locked the room up. I think I'll sleep in the chair outside then. Sorry once again.." She turned to leave.
"Hey! Listen... why don't you sit here beside me. The darkness here would give your eyes some rest."
"But I don't want to disturb your sleep!"
"That would not be a problem, it's fine..."
"Okay if you insist, I'll take up the offer. But I don't want to keep you awake. You sleep, just that if you could curl up your legs a bit and make space for me at the end of the bed, I'll sit there.."
"Sure, okay, why not!" He dropped down back to bed, a bit diagonal and his legs folded at the knees. She slid into the space next to them and rested her back against the wall.
"Comfortable?" he asked.
"This is fine!" she said and tilted her head on the wall.
"Well, goodnight then. And good luck!"
"Goodnight!"
[ 2 ]
Morning brought in a chirping of a bird flock. Anay's alarm went off softly. His duty was over and the next day was a holiday for him. He couldn't wait to return to his room for a fresh, hot bath and a tasty breakfast. As he was about to get up, he felt a weight upon his right knee. He looked up to find Prakriti asleep with her head on his knee. The ambulances had been redirected by the police to a neighbouring city because the rain had brought in a landslide alert on the way to their hospital. So the night was quite restful. Anay lay down again and fell asleep. The hot bath could wait.
When he finally woke up again, she was gone. He wore his shoes and raced down to the doctor's quarters. He had a full day ahead of him and he couldn't wait to enjoy it.
[ 3 ]
Next week the casualty was quieter. A bored Anay sat at the table, unsure what to do. Perhaps he would sleep. Suddenly, Prakriti muttered out of nowhere.
"Is there a place I could go to eat...? I am a bit hungry today."
Anay squeezed his eyes in thought, "The canteen would be closed by now. There are very few places in town that would be open at this time."
"Oh.." she sighed in resignation.
"But the snacks stall at the railway station would still be serving!"
"How far is it from here?"
"It's across from here. I was planning on going there."
"Then let's go!"
Anay nodded in disapproval, "No no, I don't think you should come. I don't think it would be safe, I'll get you a parcel!"
"Would you?"
"Yes!" Anay stood up, "You vegetarian or...?"
"Non-vegetarian." her eyes lit up cheekily, "For the win!"
"Me too!" he smiled and walked out the door.
Anay did not want to bring her along― though pleasant, it wasn't a comfortable or safe walk. It was a dark road to the station, he used to go there with Sankalp. The latter would often want to smoke, and the station seemed a nice place for it. He would take Anay with him, who did not smoke as such, but would happily join him for tea. With Sankalp presently choosing the day duty, Anay (who preferred nights) did not venture out there. But today he had a job to do.
He trudged through the gravel and came across a pair of railway tracks. He looked at both sides and crossed them. He clambered up the wall and onto the platform, and in a minute he was at the snacks stall.
"What do you have to eat, Kaka?"
"Idli-Wada, Sandwich, Veg Puff, Veg Roll, Paneer Roll.."
"In non-veg?"
"Egg puff."
"Just egg puff?"
"Yes."
"Okay, give me a cup of tea here, and two egg puffs parcelled."
"Okay!" the stall attendant turned to pour out some tea, "Raju, two egg puffs for sahib!"
[ 4 ]
Once done, it became quite a routine. Every day of emergency duty, Anay would go to the railway snacks stall and get Prakriti and himself an egg puff each. It was a meagre snack, but a great additive for a good time. Sometimes he would bring in a packet or two of biscuits and wafers along. These they would share with the CMO, nurses and interns. Some of the nurses would even brew up some tea to have them with. It was a cosy mood.
[ 5 ]
One morning, after duty, Anay found himself at a table at the hospital canteen, sitting across from Prakriti. They had ordered a plate of poha and a cup of tea each.
"I'll go wash my hands," Anay said softly. Prakriti nodded.
She watched him walk towards the basin. Prakriti looked up to Anay. He was smart, quick, precise. He heard the patient's complaints with remarkable patience and came up with the strangest of diagnoses. And surprisingly, they did turn out to be true. This guy knew what he was doing. He was brilliant. Others, too, spoke so highly of him. He was the best diagnostician among the resident doctors, they said. And every time she saw him, Anay lived up to that title.
Anay washed his face as well. He wanted to look fresh. Except for the occasional conversation over egg puff, he had barely talked to Prakriti. Breakfast was a great time to talk. From whatever little they had spoken, Anay felt he started liking her a bit. A bit. He scrubbed his face clean. Then wiped it with his handkerchief, and folding the cloth, he began retracing his steps to the table. There he saw another familiar face!
"Naveen?"
"Oh hi! It's you, Anay!" Naveen, the pathology resident looked up, "There wasn't any other place to sit, so I asked ma'am here if anyone was sitting here. She said only one friend, so I sat down in the chair next to it. I had no idea the friend would be you!"
"You seem way too glad that it is me."
"Nothing like that." Naveen chuckled, "It's just that I will have a less awkward breakfast now."
Anay and Naveen were not very close, but they knew each other from the previous year when Anay had to run down at night to the pathology laboratory for urgent reports.
"By the way, this is Prakriti, from Surgery. She transferred here last month."
"Nice to meet you!"
"Nice to meet you too!"
It was an awkward, silent breakfast.
[ 6 ]
"This is a good movie. You should go."
"But I don't think I should."
"See, man!" Anay exclaimed with unnecessary enthusiasm, "Nothing's better than watching a movie solo in such times. It actually refreshes the mind."
Over the months, a nice friend circle had been formed. It included resident doctors from medicine and surgery (including Anay and Prakriti), a couple of them from gynaecology and anaesthesia, and Naveen.
Naveen had become close to Anay. And today he had confessed his recent bouts of unexplained sadness. Anay had recommended the solo movie therapy, and he had agreed. But Anay had other intentions. Everyone from his group was on duty that Friday evening. Except for Prakriti and Naveen. Prakriti wanted to desperately watch the new thriller movie. It was obvious that the three would go. So it is obvious why Anay sent off Naveen to another movie. Knowing Naveen, he would have cancelled any other plans to be in a movie with the two of them. Of lately, he had been getting closer and closer. An insecure Anay had quickly thought of the movie plan. Naveen was way too practical to cancel a movie for another.
[ 7 ]
Anay watched Naveen walk into the movie theatre.
"Come let's go," he spoke to the Prakriti. Things had gone as planned. Naveen's movie was scheduled fifteen minutes earlier than theirs, and to avoid any awkward interaction or hurting anyone's feelings by chance, he chose to keep distance.
It was at this time that he knew that he had begun liking Prakriti. Head over heels for her. He knew he had to make his moves. The question was, did Prakriti like him back? He wasn't sure. She did treat him like a good friend. She would call him up for every small problem. They would go out for meals together. At parties, she was his ride back home. They were close, but how close were they?
The movie had been excellent. Anay had double checked the hallways and then the parking lot to ascertain that Naveen had left. Prakriti was still in a dreamy state the movie had thrown her in.
She flung over her lab coat, "I guess it's back to the real world now."
"For a moment, I had almost forgotten!"
Both of them had duty that night; they had urged their colleagues to extend their day shifts so that they could accommodate the movie as well as dinner. Their colleagues had obliged much to their joy. As they walked the road to the hospital canteen, it was Prakriti who mouthed,
"I wonder if it is worth it..."
"What?"
Prakriti spoke a bit louder, "Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it. Look at us now." She muttered in slight disgust, "After a couple of hours of a good time, we are back to the mundane duty of ours. Like in the movie, the characters had such wonderful things to do. Their life was an adventure. They did important things."
"Saving patients is not important?"
"I did not mean it like that. You see, what we do is perhaps the most crucial in the world. But it is all routine. The same thing every time. Life should be a bit more adventurous, right?"
"I do not understand."
"What I am trying to say is..." Prakriti shrugged and sighed, "I am tired, Anay, I am tired."
"Tired?"
"Of all this. All this, running around, going to bed stressed, waking up stressed. The cackle of patients, the shouting nurses, the reprimanding seniors. The dirty wards, the unkempt people. Diseases! Life is a disease! Like heck, I don't know if life is even worth all this."
Anay listened in mild shock, "You okay, Prakriti?"
She looked at him, unable to speak at first.
"I am not okay, Anay," a tear rolled down her cheek, "I am not okay."
"Hey hey hey! Don't cry. It's fine, it's fine. it will be okay."
"I wish..."
He felt her hand reach out for his as she walked unsteadily beside him.
Anay was unsure of what to say. He gasped. Then sighed.
"You know what, Prakriti. It is what it is. It is what we have chosen." Anay went on, "We all are sad, you know. It's very tough. We all cry sometimes. It's okay to cry. It is not easy, all of this. And they won't make it easy for us. Why would they? And what I think is the best for us right now, is that we hold on. Let it pass. Let time take its course, let time lead, and let time heal us. Heal us from these invisible wounds that are inflicted upon us... you understand?"
Prakriti choked up and did not reply.
Anay smiled a bit, "Sometimes, I feel that we walk our lives like we are walking right now. In the darkness, upon a beaten down path. Holding onto each for company, our feet fumbling through the pebbles beneath them. But yet we walk, knowing that somewhere out there is where we want to reach."
Anay paused, "And you know what guides us? Light. A little light somewhere out there, that tells us; yes, this is your path, your destination is there somewhere, just hold on and follow me. A little light."
"A little light..."
"Yes, like that street light over there. You know what means? That the hospital canteen is near. So be a brave woman, and get back to the smart surgeon self of yours. We'll talk about this topic later, okay?"
Prakriti wiped her eyes upon the sleeve of her lab coat. "Okay..." she muttered, a bit relieved.
[ 8 ]
The night was an average one. It wasn't full of patients, nor devoid of them. When the last of her patients had been dealt with, Prakriti looked up from her notes.
"It's time," she mumbled to Anay.
"I know, I know. I was about to leave."
It was their usual egg puff snack time. Anay took off his lab coat and walked out at a cheerful pace.
"Two egg puffs... no wait, one egg puff, Kaka!"
Anay realised that he had eaten too much at the canteen, and the popcorn added, he was way too full. He sipped down a tea at the stall as well. The nurses and CMO back there weren't the friendly ones and the interns had changed as well. So it was only Prakriti and him.
Anay grabbed the paper bag containing the egg puff and jumped down the platform onto the railway tracks. He strode merrily across until his foot caught itself into some metal contraption underneath. He struggled and squirmed a bit, the overall muscular tone slightly crushing the egg puff in his hand.
A train horn in the eerie night air masked the sound of a light bulb bursting at the hospital canteen.
[ 9 ]
"He was a good friend. Better than you would think he would be." Naveen spoke in a crisp, broken voice, "He knew us. He knew everything. He knew we were sad. He came forth to help us."
All the resident doctors had gathered for a memorial service, a year after Anay's death. It was their final year of post-graduation, and before receiving their degrees they felt obliged to hold an event in honour of their colleague, to whom fate had not given the opportunity of the same.
"It had been a tough time for me. I had no idea what to do. I was finding life worthless and worthless by the minute. Anay was the only person I could talk to. I... talked to him." Naveen sobbed, "And he gave me the best idea ever. He told me to watch a movie. He even paid for my ticket. He was insistent. And later, I knew why."
Naveen looked at the blank faces in front of him, and went on, "That movie was an inspirational one. That is why Anay knew it would help me. It was a life-changing movie for me. Having watched it, I knew that life was worth living after all. Anay saved my life that day." Naveen broke down into tears, "I am sorry no one could save his."
He stepped off the podium and went down to the crowd. His head down, feet heavy, he drifted to a figure waiting for him.
Prakriti pulled in Naveen for a long, tight hug. It had been a tough year for both of them. Losing a close friend such as Anay had been an assault on their hearts, but they had both determined to not let his friendship turn futile. They would work harder and hold on like he had told them to. Today, they were on the road to success because he had, in a way, show them their destination. They cried incessantly that day. Silence around, wet cheeks, overflowing eyes; the two stood in an embrace, as sunshine shone upon the rings on their fingers.
Cover Image Credit: Free-Photos from Pixabay